Searching without hope

I went out on a date with a girl last night. Kandi seems nice enough, we’ve been chatting via a dating app for a couple of weeks now, and although she’s rather short and a little plump there’s something about her I rather like. We’ve a second date tomorrow, and if all goes well I imagine we may well end up seeing a fair bit more of each other..

And therein lays my dilemma : I date women to distract myself from my feelings for Inamorata, but, because I have no real love for them, they usually end up getting hurt. I don’t enjoy this aspect of dating, but without trying how am I ever going to meet anyone?.

With each new consort I learn something new about myself, but I feel as if I’m playing a game. I move up the levels, gaining experience, but in the end it’s all rather pointless – the one thing I want is unobtainable.

Time will tell just how far and in which direction this latest escapade will go, but I do wonder what’s the point of looking for love when your hearts already lost


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