I’m now sure that if another woman can claim my heart for her own then Inamorata won’t stand in her way. She loves me and wants to see me happy (although she unashamedly revels in the attention and affection I lavish on her) but she knows she can never give me what I truely want. As careful as I am to hide it she understands that for all my bluff and bluster I’d drop anything for her and, in its way, I think this knowledge weighs on her.
In conversation today I was upfront – I can live with diminished affection between us if that’s what she believes is best, but its not what I want, nor do I believe it’s what she wants. She sees herself as standing between me and happiness with someone else, and in a way she does, but she’s also the measure that they must surpass. It may be an impossible task, but if another woman can consume my attention to the point that I no longer crave Inamoratas affections as I do now then the spell will have been broken. I’m not entirely sure the new girl I’ve been chatting to recently will pass this test, but its early days. All I know is that when I love it is with all that I am and all that I have, and such love does not bare division.
Inamorata owns me, body mind and soul, but for how long?….