Alot has happened in the fortnight or so since my last post, events that have both turned my world upside down whilst at the same time bringing me almost full circle.
My week away with Kitten was a rousing success – we had a fantastic time together exploring a new country, seeing new sights and sharing new experiences, and whilst we would probably never work as a couple (the distance between us, her job and her damned cats being prime examples of the obstacles we’d face) it was fantastic to spend time with her again.
But it’s the shift in Inamoratas and I’s interactions that have been the real forward motion in my life – a change that, although unforseen, is more than welcome.
At Inamorata’s leaving do something changed. As we sat and enjoyed a drink and a little time together the passive aggressive hostility of the past months seemed to fall away, and we found ourselves laughing and joking like old times. As the night drew to a close we inevitably but unexpectedly found ourselves in that little ally behind the bar near work, passions raised, lips locked together and hands moving of their own free will – it was beautiful!. If I hadn’t have had to collect Kitten from the train station later that very evening there’s no doubt we would have ended up either at her place or mine…
The next day she slightly sheepishly messaged me saying she wasn’t sure if she should apologise for last night, to which I replied she should never apologise for being herself, its one of the manifold reasons that I care for her as I do. Over the course of my holiday we kept in contact, her occasionally commenting on the pictures I posted on social media and me checking in on how she was settling into her new role, but it wasn’t until I got back from holiday and asked to meet her on her lunch break at a little cafe we occasionally visited together that things really settled back in. It wasn’t that we did or said anything in that brief meeting, it was just that we sat together and talked comfortably as friends for the first time in a long time – a treat I thought I’d never get to enjoy again.
It was a few days later as we chatted and joked back and forth via message that she finally invited herself round to mine for dinner this evening, the chance of a free meal and the opportunity to see my new house the perfect excuse for what we both knew would be (re)defining moment in the story of us.
So after a fantastic meal and alot of preamble about her new team and position etc we finally got down to the crux of the situation, and whilst enough was said to satisfy my need for some sort of definition, enough ambiguity remained to satisfy Inamoratas need not to pigeon hole anything – a fluid state in which we exist in the moment, nothing asked for or expected, where we are happy to simply be.
This modus vivendi may not be the answer to all our problems but it does seem like a good starting point. She still insists that I should find myself someone new (because she can’t offer me what I really want) and in time maybe I will, but for now I’m simply happy to be able to concentrate on me whilst also enjoying the benifits of my newly rekindled friendship with her.