With my birthday coming up soon I decided to go out for drinks and a night out on the town with a few friends. I’ve never really cared about my birthday in the past, too many unpleasant childhood memories made it easier to ignore it than celebrate it, but before everything fell to shit between us Inamorata encouraged me to make the most of it, and so I thought I might as well do that.
After throwing an open invitation up on social media I got an encouraging number of positive replies – a fair few colleagues and even a few old friends said they’d be there and were excited for it. Inamorata said she couldn’t make it, which saddened me at the time but quickly passed from my mind. I deliberately didn’t go to the office Christmas party because I didn’t want my misery to tarnish it for her, so I thought this might be her returning the favor.
Then today I hear from one of her close friends that she will be coming out after dinner with her husband.
Things still aren’t good between us at work, and whilst I’m slowly getting there with the whole professional not personal thing I’m a little worried about seeing her outside of the office again. A million thoughts have crossed my mind since I was told, some exciting but highly improbable, others more unsettling and unfortunately far more likely.
So I’m left hanging again, a mild sense of dread clouding an event I was, up untill today, really looking forward to.
All I can do is wait and see what happens, but the gnawing fear is hard to ignore – I’m already mentally preparing myself for being hurt again