I miss so much about you – long kisses, wandering hands, shared nights
I know what’s been said can’t be unsaid,
and what’s been done can’t be undone,
But we can put it behind us and move on afresh,
I hate this silent fight
Because of all the things I miss about you, your smile is top of my list
They say “the hardest part of holding on is letting go”, and it was hard, but now that I have let go I feel free. With the dark days of depression and suicidal self-loathing (hopefully) behind me I can look back at the last couple of years and see it for what it was – one of life’s little tests.
So I flunked the fidelity bit and my honesty score was distinctly sub-par (it had to be in order to protect Inamoratas marriage) – all that matters is that I have emerged from all the joy and the pain, the heartbreak and soul searching as a better man.
Seeing the pictures she posted of her and her husband enjoying a bit of winter sun on some exotic beach today hurt, but it was good to see her smiling – of all the things I miss about her; the sex, the long conversations about everything and nothing, the joy and the fear of our affair, its her smile I miss the most.
But that’s what I will take with me – the joy of our time together.
It was beautiful whilst it lasted, but nothing lasts forever…..
It seems I just couldn’t wait.
Walking into work early this morning I noticed the light in Inamoratas office was on, so I knocked on the door, waited for a ‘come in’, then popped my head around and greeted her with more cheery, honest smile.
The look on her face and dour reply weren’t unexpected, but I just couldn’t help myself – I asked ‘so, is this how it’s going to be from now on?.’
Cue one rather heated discussion about trust, feelings and the best interests of the company.
I know my words have most likely fallen on deaf ears but at least I’ve said my bit, and I do feel better for it.
Sure things will never go back to how they were (a fact saddens me immensely) – Inamorata was a fantastic friend up until we became lovers, and was a fantastic lover until things fell apart – but I won’t let the shit pit this affair descended into taint the happy memories I have.
It’s over, I’m moving on, stronger and happier than I was when this all started, and that’s all that matters.