Words left unspoken – Reconciliation

I miss so much about you – long kisses, wandering hands, shared nights

I know what’s been said can’t be unsaid,
and what’s been done can’t be undone,
But we can put it behind us and move on afresh,
I hate this silent fight

Because of all the things I miss about you, your smile is top of my list


Keep the best, loose the rest

They say “the hardest part of holding on is letting go”, and it was hard, but now that I have let go I feel free. With the dark days of depression and suicidal self-loathing (hopefully) behind me I can look back at the last couple of years and see it for what it was – one of life’s little tests.
So I flunked the fidelity bit and my honesty score was distinctly sub-par (it had to be in order to protect Inamoratas marriage) – all that matters is that I have emerged from all the joy and the pain, the heartbreak and soul searching as a better man.

Seeing the pictures she posted of her and her husband enjoying a bit of winter sun on some exotic beach today hurt, but it was good to see her smiling – of all the things I miss about her; the sex, the long conversations about everything and nothing, the joy and the fear of our affair, its her smile I miss the most.

But that’s what I will take with me – the joy of our time together.
It was beautiful whilst it lasted, but nothing lasts forever…..

(im)patience is a virtue

It seems I just couldn’t wait.

Walking into work early this morning I noticed the light in Inamoratas office was on, so I knocked on the door, waited for a ‘come in’, then popped my head around and greeted her with more cheery, honest smile.

The look on her face and dour reply weren’t unexpected, but I just couldn’t help myself – I asked ‘so, is this how it’s going to be from now on?.’

Cue one rather heated discussion about trust, feelings and the best interests of the company.

I know my words have most likely fallen on deaf ears but at least I’ve said my bit, and I do feel better for it.
Sure things will never go back to how they were (a fact saddens me immensely) – Inamorata was a fantastic friend up until we became lovers, and was a fantastic lover until things fell apart – but I won’t let the shit pit this affair descended into taint the happy memories I have.
It’s over, I’m moving on, stronger and happier than I was when this all started, and that’s all that matters.